She Said...

Sometimes, when we find out that we have to get a Christmas present for someone, and it’s someone who «has everything», and we’re running out of time, I have found that the best option is just to get a gift certificate at a store where we know they’ll find something they will enjoy.

Such was my dilemma last week, when I was invited to attend one of those very typically Mexican intercambio de regalos (a.k.a.: gift exchange after we’ve drawn someone’s name from a hat). After racking my brain as to what to get for the young man whose name I had drawn, and knowing that he loves movies, I went over to my friendly neighborhood Blockbuster with the intention of purchasing a gift certificate that would entitle him to take out a whole bunch of movies. But that was not to be. When I asked the fellow behind the counter for a gift certificate, he instantly answered, «We don’t have any.»

«What do you mean, you don’t have any?» I asked. «Are you telling me that if I give you money, you can’t give me a piece of paper saying that the bearer can rent movies up to that amount?»

«That’s right. They do that in the States, but we don’t. We don’t have gift certificates.»

(Did you notice that it doesn’t matter whether you speak the language perfectly or not, if you don’t look Mexican, you’re deemed to be American? Not North American mind you -which would include Canadians- but American from the U.S. Period.) I didn’t thank him. I didn’t wish him a Merry anything. I just walked out.

So there I was, back at square one. Between my friends and I, we finally thought of something he would appreciate, from Office Depot. All was well as all ended well, and everyone had a lovely Christmas Eve intercambio de regalos after a superfantabulous dinner at Boca Bento.

My children gifted me a massage by Betty. I can't recall the last time I had a massage as wonderful as this one. If you want to be truly pampered, I suggest you call Ali's Clinic & Spa (the ad is on this page) and ask for Betty to come to your house so that she can make you feel like a million bucks too!

Getting back to the topic of movies, I am amazed that between the three mega movie theater complexes we have in town, not one has figured out that Puerto Vallarta is a tourist town, and that those tourists and the foreign winter residents would like to go to a movie from time to time …which they can understand.

This is the first time in the more than thirteen years that I’ve lived here that I haven’t been able to take my friends to any of the movies playing in town because the «powers-that-be» at Cine Versalles, Cinemark and Cinepolis decided in their infinite wisdom not to show movies such as Beowolf, Enchanted, National Treasure, etc. in English with Spanish sub-titles - as they’ve always done before.

I can understand the logic behind showing children’s movies in Spanish. Of course. But the others? And especially now that there’s nothing much other than repeats on TV… And then they wonder why none of us «furrners» attend their movie theaters…

We received a letter from a reader who wants to know when will be the next performance by our internationally-famous Xiutla Folkloric Ballet. Funny man! We only found out about its 10th Anniversary performance the day after it occurred, when the municipal Department of Culture proudly sent us a review of the show …and pictures! As was to be expected, the audience at Los Arcos amphitheater that night was made up of the locals who listen to the radio, and the folks who happened to be passing by. Same thing goes for the events at the Cuale Cultural Center.

The Tribune finds out about those after the fact too. And that’s a real shame, ‘cause those are really good events, concerts and such, and we have no way of finding out about them in time to publish them for our readers to be informed. This has been going on for years, but what can we do? It’s the way it is, and who are we to think that we can change things? Oh, well.

I noticed that I wasn’t sent any news articles to translate for the last few issues of the Trib and now I understand why. The papers have been filled with items dealing with the number of accidents, the occupancy rates, and retrospectives dealing with our municipal government’s accomplishments ...or lack thereof.

In the Tribuna de la Bahía, our sister (daily) publication, they’re doing it two months at a time, starting with January and February 2007. Not a good thing, if one reads it carefully. Promises, promises, promises. I read an article a few weeks ago, whose title was «City Hall Concludes 19 out of 107 Projects». The text goes on to explain that out of 107 projects this administration promised to achieve during its first year in office, they only finished 19 «minor ones», representing a measly TWO PERCENT of the budget it had allocated to Public Works. Hmmmm…

My neighbors have a condo they rent out to tourists (one day, Hacienda will make sure they pay the taxes they owe on that income…). Anyways, a really nice couple arrived from Canada, hoping to spend a week in the sunny warmth of Puerto Vallarta. By the way, what happened to the warmth? I’ve been dressed as if I were up north these past few days… So once they had gone through Customs, they were accosted by some time share woman from a hotel in Nuevo Vallarta - who just wouldn’t let them go until they had promised to attend one of that establishment’s presentations. They said they just couldn’t get past her. That’s just not fair. It leaves such a bad taste with the tourists who fall for that scam. These folks were furious by the time they got to the condo. I told them they should report that woman to Adeprotur. If no one reports such behavior, it’s just going to continue, damaging this destination’s image everywhere. Adeprotur, the organism that regulates time share promoters in this town, is very good at enforcing its rules and regulations, but if it is not aware of abuses, it cannot act.

I watched a documentary where the climatologists were stating that the polar ice cap would probably disappear entirely by the year 2012. That is Not a good thing. And what will happen to the polar bears with no ice floes left? What we’ve done to our little blue planet does not bode well at all for the future. In the meantime, I sure hope the traditional, warm sunshine of Puerto Vallarta will have returned by the time you read this, folks.

Have you had the opportunity to walk along the Malecon and look at those amazing sand sculptures those gifted youngsters have created there? I will wait for some sunshine to go take some photos and, if they come out well, perhaps they'll choose one for next week's cover, what with Epiphany being nearly here, starring the Three Wise Men...

In the meantime, I wish you all a most Happy and Healthy New Year. Take care of yourselves and of each other. And do try to join us for Charity Bingo Night at the Santa Barbara Theater on Tuesday, January 8th, when we will be starting up again. It's fun, the prizes are super, everyone makes new friends, and all the proceeds go to the Refugio Infantil Santa Esperanza children's shelter. And that's a good thing! Hasta luego. pvmom04@yahoo.com

First and foremost, once again, I thank all of you who have complimented us on the photos that were published on the front covers of the Tribune lately. You have made Javier and myself very proud.

I also owe an apology to the true "gentleman" from Joe Jack's Fish Shack whom I happened to bump into when I took the photo of the poinsettia market. I was parked across the highway, in the Terminal Maritima gas station, and the thought of carrying the pots of flowers I had purchased, two by two, across the eight lanes of crazy traffic was daunting to say the least. This nice man (whose name I never remember...) offered to drive me and my plants all the way around to my car, where he transferred the pretties into the back of my Tracker. God bless you, kind sir!

This past week proved to be yet another exciting, fun time for me. My cousins left their PV condo after a 3-week stay, and then my dearest, oldest friends from Montreal arrived to spend three weeks with us! I love having house guests. They always fill our hearts and our homes with love and laughter. And they also give me the reason to go out and revisit all the places that caused me to move down here in the first place.

Following our last Tuesday Night Charity Bingo game (until January 8th), I went to have dinner at Boca Bento with another winter visitor, friend of mine, who had never dined there before. Needless to say, he loved it. Owner Monica -Stewart’s wife- had suggested the specially prepared sea bass, which my friend ordered and proceeded to enjoy in little bites, just to titillate his taste buds for a little longer…

During our prolonged dinner conversation, he mentioned his recent visit to Barrio Sur. I haven’t had the pleasure to check it out yet, but he and his companion had a lovely time there. According to him, the service was absolutely superb, the ambiance most pleasant, the food excellent and the prices more than reasonable. Definitely have to check it out soon.

While on the subject of food... Does anyone know if the grocery shops and supermarket owners in Puerto Vallarta have some sort of grudge against all things that involve CHERRIES?

Way back when, Sam's used to carry some of the best, freshly-baked cherry pies I'd ever tasted. Obviously, others felt the same way because they'd fly off the shelves as soon as they were placed there. Then they disappeared. All they had were dozens upon dozens of pineapple pies -that no one wanted - and that were still sitting there at the end of each day. At the time, I figured that Sam's employees liked them, so they'd bake a whole lot of them, knowing they wouldn't sell, and that way, they'd be able to take them home at the end of the day...

When we spoke to the bakery department supervisor, we were told that the cherry filling was no longer available, that it was too expensive, that head office had issued orders to discontinue cherry pies, etc. etc. etc.

Now we can't even find cherry jam anywhere, even though the company that manufactures it supplies all the grocery stores and supermarkets with every other fruit jam in the world.
What's up with that?

A beautiful sight caught my eye as I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green the other day. Though it was early evening, it was already dark out, and the air was unusually crisp - as it has been the last few days. A young woman was standing at a bus stop, waiting. In her arms, she carried a very little baby, completely swaddled in a couple of blankets so it was invisible to all but her. She was talking, cooing to it, holding one of its tiny little hands, kissing it incessantly. It brought tears to my eyes. I’ve always maintained that if every child were to receive one dollar -or perhaps I should say Euro now- for every kiss it received from its parents, there would be no poverty anywhere in the world…

I think I should mention the Día de los Inocentes for the sake of our readers who don’t bother reading the message from the editor… or the «special frame» that explains the tradition. Just be careful what you read - and what you believe - among all the articles that are being published this week. El Día de los Inocentes is Spain and Latin America’s equivalent of our April Fool’s Day…

We received a letter from a gentleman, signed N.R., which read as follows:
«Dear Editor,
Your readers should be aware that the Santander ATM machine in Rizo’s is error prone.
In my case, the machine failed to deliver my pesos, but charged my bank account for them.
I sought recourse through the local Santander Bank branch, who declined to give me any assistance whatsoever.
It could be a sophisticated scam or simply a banking error coupled with banking arrogance and incompetence.
Either way, avoid Santander bank machines, particularly the one in Rizo’s, which is very popular with the many gringos who shop there.»

One thing I did learn is that in such cases, one must make a report to the bank that issued the debit card, and not the one operating the ATMs. There you have it. My two pesos’ worth.
Did you have a chance to look up at the night sky last week? Due to the clarity of the air, the moon and the stars appear so bright that they light up everything (unlike the night when I got lost up in the hills...)

Another thing that I've always enjoyed down here is that we see the moon in a different aspect at these latitudes. The "nearly" new moon looks like a Cheshire cat's smile, and the half-moons, like the one last week, is perfectly horizontal, while up north it appears to be vertical...

Apart from this unusually «cold» weather (25oC instead of 28o in the daytime…) we’ve been having, as I already mentioned above, and the crazy traffic in town that has caused so many of my friends and neighbors to declare, «That’s it. I’m not driving anywhere any more until next year …when this bedlam will be over», I really don’t have much else to share with you this Christmas week.

I wish you all a Merry, Merry Christmas, and please bear in mind that the municipal police has instituted a program to prevent traffic accidents. They will be looking out for drunk drivers, and they will be administering breathalyzer tests. This is no joke, dear readers, they’re really doing it. So if you know you’re going to be whooping it up, please, take a taxi!Feliz Navidad y Hasta luego! pvmom04@yahoo.com

I want to thank all my readers who sent me such nice emails with regard to my column of last week. They wanted to read more of my «memoirs» from ten years ago. Actually, many years ago, I made a promise to our local readers that whenever I celebrate this column’s anniversary, I would write only about sugar and spice and everything nice. Those who know me know that this is nearly impossible for me...

During the ten years that have elapsed since I started working at the Tribune, Puerto Vallarta’s population has grown by leaps and bounds (perhaps too fast for its own good) and as the growth process evolved, more and more establishments have appeared on the scene. Some have endured the ups and downs to which tourism is subjected. Among those who have been with us from the very beginning, I would like to make a special mention of just a few that, in my humble opinion, have demonstrated that consistent high quality usually ensures survival… and success. Please understand that these are just a few. I could never mention them all (besides, I don’t have enough space, and my memory doesn’t serve me as well as it used to…) Among the ones that come to mind: Café Frankfurt (called Hacienda Alemana now), Kaiser Maximilian, Daiquiri Dick’s, Café des Artistes, Trio Restaurant-Bar, the River Café, La Petite France, Coco Tropical, Barcelona Tapas … and most of the art galleries that still operate in the downtown area. To all these establishments and the other «old timers», I wish continued success.

Once again, I want to commend all our contributors whose articles I translate into English, including the reporters who work full-time for our mother publication, the Tribuna de la Bahía. Never does a week go by that I don’t learn some fascinating facts while doing my bit for you to be able to enjoy their writings. Indeed, I consider myself one very lucky lady.

I am lucky for many other reasons too. I live in the most beautiful seaside resort in Mexico. I wake up every morning to glorious sunshine and -still being half-Canadian (the other half now officially Mexican)- welcomed warmth. I have been blessed with the friendship of some extraordinary people, both Mexican and foreign. For many years, I had close encounters with more four-legged, two-legged, no-legged and flying critters than I could ever have imagined while living in a northern metropolis, and some of them made sounds I had only heard on National Geographic specials. There were roosters all around, crowing at all hours of the day and night (remember, André Breton, the famous French writer, poet and surrealist theorist, once said that Mexicans live «IN surrealism») and donkeys braying and giving birth a few meters from my front door. Unfortunately, today, there are no more vacant, virgin lots around, so I want to believe that those beautiful creatures have found other, greener, habitats.

I’ve become accustomed to eating food and drinking juices very different from those that made up my diet in Canada. And it pleases me no end to introduce my snowbird friends to them whenever they come down to visit. There are few pleasures as fulfilling as seeing the expressions of delight on the face of a visiting friend to whom you have just shown something beautiful, something that is yours to enjoy all year round!

And as I’ve said so often, what other place do you know where you get to see fireworks every night …launched from a perfect replica of a 15th Century Spanish galleon? And where else in Mexico can we watch the humpbacks frolic before our eyes like they do in our Bay? You want impressive? They are.

Okay, enough of the mushy stuff, getting back to the less abstract, I couldn’t help but wonder about the total lack of promotion among the foreign community for the Ice Show? Oh, you didn’t know that there was an Ice Show in town? Well, there was. And the locals who work with the radio on all day did know about it, and they went to see it, and they truly enjoyed it!

On the topic of shows, I haven’t had the opportunity to attend the opening of «Those Oldies but Goodies» at the Cecatur Auditorium (see their ad somewhere in this issue), but those who did tell me that they were thrilled with the performances. The show features songs from the late 50s and early 60s, including a couple of the «novelty» songs of the era. With Mikki Prost and Len (of blu by len beauty salon fame), its success doesn’t surprise me! You can still catch it this Wednesday, Thursday or Friday, and tickets are available at the door and at various locations around town. For my part, I’m going to try to see it before you get to read this column.

Unfortunately, if you wait to read what I think of it, it will be too late. There will be no more performances. I’m sorry, but it’s one of the disadvantages of writing for a weekly publication, and besides, I’m no theater -or restaurant- critic. I just give you my personal opinion, nothing more.

For all my Jewish readers: Please note that in addition to Sol’s annual Hanukah bash at Café Bohemio on Friday the 7th, there will also be another Hanukah dinner in the garden area of Alexander Grosman’s Gallery, 1951 Francisco Medina Ascensio Blvd., on Tuesday the 4th. For more information on that one, you can reach Alexander at 293-0223, or on his cell at 044 322 779-3991.

I thank all the readers of this column for their never-ending feedback (both positive and negative) and the «real» Vallartans for providing me with a continuous source of material. God bless you all.
Hasta luego, que tengan una semana llena de alegría! pvmom04@yahoo.com

Ten years. It’s unbelievable. Time really does fly... especially when we’re getting older. An entire decade has gone by since I first started working at what was then called the PV Tribune back in November, 1997, Issue Number 31. Sixteen pages printed on so-so paper. We’ve come a long way, true, but not without continuous hiccups. And we’re still not where we’d like to be, that’s for sure. But they keep trying, I’ve got to hand that to them. Snafus in the distribution system, snafus in the printing process, snafus in the layout department …but they keep on trying. And personally, I think we are getting better. I mean, who would have thought that we’d be putting out 48 pages one day? I remember one editor we had whose name I shall not mention to whom I once said that I knew of a number of people who wanted to put their ads in the Tribune. I will never forget the way he responded, without even looking at me: «Don’t talk to me about more ads. That would mean we’d have to add pages, and then we’d have to fill them.» Viva whatshisname!

Lots of things have changed over the last ten years, not only at the Tribune, but just look at our town! Yes, there are still remnants of that charm we all spoke about back then, that certain je ne sais quoi that attracted so many of us to return to our beloved «PV» over and over again …until we moved here for good. But it’s grown, developed, expanded, evolved, but has it progressed? Being a true blue Capricorn, I tend to weigh things, rationally. Is it better now? How?
True, my wish list that used to take up an entire page ten years ago is down to two or three items nowadays (one of which is donuts…) We have first-run movies, all the modern conveniences to which we were accustomed «up North», but at what cost?

I was chatting with my neighbor the other day. He’s just about ready to pack up and leave. He’s worried that we’re going the way of Acapulco. Geez, I sure hope he’s wrong. Despite the various negative things some readers have accused me of, I am an optimist. I figure that now that nearly all our parks are gone, the powers-that-be will keep their paws off our beautiful Isla Cuale, the island in the heart of town, in the middle of the Cuale River. I figure that now that the previous administration has prostituted itself to the point where nearly every square inch of beachfront property has been sold to developers of monstrous complexes, and the tops of the Sierra Madre’s mountains are no longer visible from the beach, hidden behind more sky-scraping condo buildings, it can’t get much worse. And if it stays like this, I can live with it - as long as no one gets hurt. But it sure would be nice if they reviewed their priorities, taking a closer look at our streets, and of course - those never-ending processions of quasi-empty buses downtown. I believe that if the bus situation could be resolved somehow, it would alleviate many problems, with air and noise pollution at the top of the list.

A friend of mine brought me a DVD of the original Shirley Valentine movie, which I had never seen. Naturally, with my schedule being what it is, I never had a chance to look at it. And then there it was, featured at the Santa Barbara Theater, live, adapted to take place in Puerto Vallarta instead of some Greek beachside resort. I went to see Shirley Valentine’s Vallarta Adventure on opening night.

What can I say? It is a one-woman tour de force. Dana Zeller is nothing short of amazing! Words such as «plucky and wisecracking» have described the character she plays. Check. «Hysterically funny one moment and heartrending the next.» Check. Thank goodness that I was never one of those «desperate housewives» she portrays. Nevertheless, even though I couldn’t relate to her plight on a personal level, she made me empathize with her ecstasy at discovering her self-worth - and her freedom! The lady is a superb, consummate actor. Do not miss her performance. The night we were there, the audience gave her a standing ovation. You will too.

In a last ditch effort to catch at least one more Gourmet Festival offering prior to the event’s Grand Finale for this year, my friend and I went to Coco Tropical for dinner (see separate article in this issue), before going to the Santa Barbara Theater to see Always, Patsy Cline - finally. I was never able to see it last season because it was always performed on Tuesday nights, and traditionally, that’s always been our heaviest evening of the week at the Tribune.

No wonder this show has had such success! Those two ladies sure know how to wow an audience - even people as unfamiliar with American country music as yours truly. Turns out that I recognized a whole bunch of the songs Sandi Lee interpreted oh so beautifully - even brought back some memories that made me smile, and others that nearly made me cry. I also understand now why so many people said that the whole show wouldn’t be the same without Mikki Proust. She is the catalyst, the one who stitches all the bits and pieces of the famous singer’s all-too-short life together. And in her role, she’s just as fabulous as Sandi. Don’t be like me. Go see that one too, as soon as you can.I’ve run out of space for this week. Happy 10th Anniversary to me! I will keep my other memories of yesteryear’s Vallarta (1994-97) for next time. And by then, I'll also have more information about our upcoming Hanukah celebrations, PV-style, next week. Until then, enjoy yourself, and do share your good fortune with the less fortunate - especially at this time of year. Hasta luego. pvmom04@yahoo.com

This time around, I would like to share with you certain statements made by people who contribute to this publication from time to time. As I have often mentioned in the past, I do depend to a great extent on input from such people. Not everything is published in the local daily papers, so here goes:

On the subject of the varying exchange rates offered in our town, one lady by the name of Pam Thompson received $10.99 Pesos for a US Dollar last week. Our friend T. J. posted a couple of interesting observations… He talked to someone who exchanged dollars for pesos in Chicago, before coming down here. They got 9.65 for an exchange rate. At the casa de cambio in the airport, they got 10.10. He noticed that the casas de cambio in town varied between 10.20 and 10.50. HSBC bank was 10.58, while Santander was 10.52. All on the same day. He also overheard someone ask a taxi driver at the curb (at the airport) for the price to Paradise Village. He told them 450 pesos for 2 people. The taxi booth inside the airport has the rate posted as 225 pesos for up to 3 people (not per person).

For my part, I noticed that many of those exchange booths I pass during my «newspaper route» have finally realized that the Canuck Superbuck is worth more than the U.S. Dollar… It’s about time.

With regard to that shift in the value of the dollars, I thought that this would bring about an increase in the number of Canadian tourists coming down to Mexico. However, I might be wrong in that assumption. I recently read that their numbers would DEcrease, anywhere between 15 and 20%! It appears that this would be due to the couple of Canadians who were murdered in Cancun and the young man who lost his life in Acapulco. Sounds like the Canadian government is following the example set by CNN… If we depended on that network for the truth, we would be led to think that Cancun, Acapulco, Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta are all within an hour’s drive of each other. Consequently, many Canadians believe that Mexico (as a whole, the entire country) is not safe to visit. To quote Paul, «Of course, it is ridiculous to generalize about a country as large and diverse as Mexico. But, perceptions in tourism often matter more than reality.» Couldn’t have said it better myself, Paul.

The other evening, a bunch of us went for dinner at Boca Bento (super yummy, finger lickin’ great fare!) One of us parked in the Lazaro Cardenas garage. Yes, it is true that the sign says open from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m., but that is not accurate, as he found out to his great disappointment. So beware or be aware: if you try to leave at 10:58 p.m., you will not be allowed to do so …unless you pay for an entire night’s parking, i.e.: an extra $64. Pesos! I’m sorry, but that really baffles me. Why oh why would the operators of that garage set hours that are so out of sync with those of all the excellent restaurants around it?

I had a «revelation» of sorts the other day. It suddenly dawned on me that one of the reasons why we see so many young mothers, grandmothers and big brothers carrying little ones in their arms in this town …is because of the cobblestones and the lack of sidewalks in the areas surrounding the center of town. It is quasi impossible to push a stroller, with a little one in it, along those cobblestones. Sure, it can be done, but no one would want to put a tike through such agony – even if the money needed to purchase the stroller were of no consequence.

On the other hand, I have the highest respect for all those young ladies who do walk around so effortlessly in those high stiletto-type heels. I’ve been wearing wedge heels since moving to Vallarta, but the other day, my dog ate one of them – of my favorite pair. So with no suitable shoes to suit what I was wearing, I resuscitated a 15-year-old pair of real high heels. All I can say is that I’m glad no one saw me try to walk in them…

I don’t have much space this week as all sorts of stuff kept on being sent in, filling up the pages faster than we could lay them out. So, have a fabulous week, check out all the special Thanksgiving Dinners being offered around town, keep well, and I’ll see you Tuesday night for a fun Bingo night! Hasta luego. pvmom04@yahoo.com